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Bailey Elisabeth.
One day at a time.

29. September 2014

Crying because I miss my brother SO fucking much and because it’s hard and inconvenient to find a new job because the cunt manager at my old job fired me simply because she did not like me and because I just want to be like all of those other stupid white kids who get to go to school and not have to work and their parents pay for their fucking rent and food and school. And also crying because more than anything I just want to be married and have babies and do crafts with them and decorate my house with cute stuff I made from pinterest and just be happy being alive. I get so fucking jealous of people I went to highschool with who are getting married and having babies and I’m just like wtf universe ruler??? That bitch can’t even handle herself and you’re going to give her a child??? wtffff.

But I forgot that I’m not a privileged white kid so I’ll have to depend on myself for everything in life.

And I’m also 21 so I’m not allowed to want to be married and have kids right now because I’m supposed to care about partying and and going to raves and bars and making out with a new person every Friday. 

And my brother is the greatest fucking person in the world so I won’t see him for probably for another year and because we have a shit for brains dick munching piece of crap president, we’ll probably be involved in another war before he’s out of office so chances are my brother will be deployed. 

And job hunting gives me anxiety and also being unemployed gives me anxiety so that’s a big fucking black hole of fuckery right there..

And I’m so mean to my boyfriend sometimes and he’s so fucking understanding and just wants me to be happy and I feel like such a piece of shit when I let him down and have a bad day and just want to cry. 
How the fuck to I become a normal functioning human being? Jesus someone throw me a fucking bone please.


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Anonymous said: why dont you just break up with him?

Just because we’re going through a rough patch doesn’t mean I want to break up….


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12. August 2014

I never used to fight with my boyfriend up until about the 8th month. That’s when he stopped working because the restaurant he works at closed down to move locations. In his defense, all of the employees were told it would only be a month until the new place opened. So he thought, “Awesome. I have money stacked up, it’ll be a vacation.”. Oh how wrong he was.

Soon one month turned into three months and the new place still isn’t open and they don’t even seem to be working on it much lately. He ran out of money and so for the last two and a half months, I’ve been footing the bill. Paying for breakfasts, lunches, dinners, gas, trips to the state fair, buying clothes for the wedding we went to, bringing him home my comped meals from work so he doesn’t have to eat canned tuna at home, paying some of his cell phone bill, going grocery shopping and letting him pick stuff out to take home etc. I’ve been doing all of this because I love him, and I don’t want him to have to struggle to feel comfortable. And while I love him to death, this has all been really exhausting. Especially when I feel like I haven’t gotten much appreciation in return.

Sure there’s the “thanks baby” every so often and some “I love you” ,s thrown around here and there, but it just feels like those are just words you say to fill in a blank. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing this for some sort of ridiculous praise or asking him to build a Bailey shrine, but some sort of actions that show me he’s appreciative would be nice. 

Every time I talk to him about this, he gets upset. He thinks all I want him to do is spend money on me and buy me things and take me places. And while yes, that would be nice, I know its not realistic at this point. He has been working for his dad and been saving up some money that way, but it’s only just enough to pay for rent and some bills. I don’t want him to spend a whole bunch of money on me. I have a job for the things I need, and for the things I want. I pay for my own stuff. But maybe a “Hey, let me pay for the cat food/littler/lunch/whatever this time” on something inexpensive we do/buy/eat would be really nice.

We never had problems until money started being a problem. It really upsets me that the underlying cause for 80% of our arguments is money. I don’t want to be THAT couple. I just want the new restaurant to open already so we can get on with our lives and forget about this part of the relationship we’re struggling with :/ 


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